Not a Soft Girl: A Women’s Day Reflection on Being “Too Much”

Every year on International Women’s Day, the world pauses to celebrate the strength, resilience, and achievements of women. We see inspiring quotes about empowerment, posts about breaking the bias, and messages encouraging women to take up space.

And yet, in our everyday lives, the moment a woman actually takes up space—speaks her mind, leads with authority, refuses to shrink—she is often labeled as too much.

Too opinionated. Too aggressive. Too masculine.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

Thirty-something, firstborn daughter, raised to be direct and independent, and somehow, my personality still feels like a rebellion.

• “You’re too blunt.”

• “You don’t act like a soft girl.”

• “You’re kind of intimidating.”

These are things I’ve heard from people who have engaged with me directly, from those who have simply heard about me, and from those who believe that a woman should fit neatly into a mold of quiet grace.

For years, I questioned myself. Was I being rude? Was I pushing people away? Was I doing something wrong? It wasn’t until therapy (shoutout to mental health!) that I realized—I am not a problem to be fixed. I am a product of my environment.

I was raised to be strong, to be vocal, to be independent. But somewhere along the line, society started treating these qualities as contradictions to femininity.

And that’s where Women’s Day comes in.

We spend this day talking about breaking barriers and challenging norms, but the real work is in the everyday moments. It’s in unlearning the idea that women have to be soft to be likable, or agreeable to be accepted. It’s in creating spaces where a woman can be both strong and nurturing, both direct and kind, both assertive and feminine—without being told she’s “too much.”

That’s the balance I’m learning to strike. I no longer feel the need to shrink myself, but I’ve also learned that not everyone deserves full, unfiltered access to me. My inner circle—those who know me beyond first impressions—get the full experience. For everyone else, I adjust. Not because I’m being fake, but because perception is reality, and sometimes a little finesse goes a long way.

So, this Women’s Day, here’s my message to every woman who has been told she’s too loud, too strong, too assertive, too much:

You are not too much. The world has just been conditioned to expect less.

And if we keep showing up as our full, authentic selves, maybe—just maybe—the world will finally adjust to us, instead of the other way around.